Overcoming...Kim's Testimony

I grew up knowing her as Kim Stock, a beautiful girl who was full of life and character. Little did I know the hell she was living from within. I have been blessed to have our paths cross again as adults and to say she encourages me daily would be an understatement. I am honored to have her share her life story here on "Shakin the Foundation"  Kim's boldness, even in the scariest of times, portrays the love of our daddy God in a huge way. Her testimony will have you crying with joy to see where she was to where she is in life. God's grace and mercy has no limits. His love has no boundaries. He never lets go.  Kim is living proof.   Keep shining His love girl, you are a beautiful gem in this world!! Love you much kiddo!!!
Giving God all the Glory!!
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                                                                         Kim

 I wanted to share my story with you. I don’t mind if you share it with someone else.  If my testimony brings even one person to Christ, what I went through was worth it.  My life is a living testimony to God and His amazing grace.  I am here, alive, whole and most importantly I am saved, set free and living the life God intended for me to have. 
John 8:36 says, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed!”  

My life has never been the same again.

I grew up going to church. The foundation that was set for me was the one thing that I held on to for dear life. When I was about four years old, I was sexually abused. This went on until I was ten years old. No one knew what was happening, I was too afraid to tell.  My abusers, all three of them, would threaten me, hurt me, and use force on me. The effects of abuse began a pattern of behavior in me that my parents did not know how to deal with.  They had no idea I was being abused.  I would go into rages, try to hurt myself and others. I would break things, scream and rage for hours on end until I exhausted myself.  My parents took me to the doctor when I was about seven. “What’s wrong with my child?”  No one had an answer except to say that I was strong-willed, defiant and disrespectful.   When the abuse finally ended I was left with a feeling of such worthlessness, shame, guilt and anger that I could barely contain myself.  I continued to act out.  At 12 years old I smoked my first joint. My parents put me in counseling at age 13 and went to my first rehab at 14.  High school was a trip.  I had a double life.  One side consisted of cheer leading  beauty pageants, and a great group of girlfriends.  The other side was dope heads, drop outs and boyfriends who didn't care about me. By the time I was a senior I had started doing cocaine. 

I met a drug dealer that was 12 years older than me; we got married 4 days after my 18^th birthday.  By this time I was so addicted to coke that I could not go a day without it.  I got pregnant with my oldest son and tried to quit but I couldn't do it.  Thank God he was born healthy.  About a year later I went to rehab again, got out after 2 weeks and was high by the time I left the parking lot. Another year later tried rehab again and failed.  I gave up on the whole idea of getting clean.  During all of this my parents had my son.  My husband (at the time) was a major drug dealer.  I was in so deep that I thought I would never be able to get out.  I weighed 97 pounds.  I was a strung out junkie.  I wanted to die.  One day, after being up for 5 days and high on all different kinds of drugs and alcohol, my ex-husband and I got in to a huge fight.  I couldn't take it anymore; I was going to end it.  I found a shotgun and was going to shoot myself.  I couldn't find any shells for it so I ran around outside the house and bashed out a couple of windows.  I picked up a piece of glass and sliced up both my arms.  I sat down in the yard and started to cry.  I cried harder than I ever have in my life.  At that point I was completely broken.  I heard a car coming up the driveway, I looked up and it was my mother.  

When she got out of the car the look on her face is one I will never forget and what she said to me I will never forget.  She told me she was ashamed of me.  I had hurt her more deeply than anyone ever had and I knew it.  Boy, did I feel like the dog I was.  She put me in the car and drove me home, bandaged up my arms (thankfully the cuts weren't that deep), and put me in the bed.  I was exhausted, strung out, and coming off of a binge.  I slept for a long time.  My mother prayed over me.  I began to detox and got very sick.  Sweating, throwing up, delirious, my body was racked with pain.  I was in and out of it for three days.  My mother physically held me there.  In and out of my delirium I could hear her praying.  She was fighting for my life.  After three days of being the sickest I have ever been I finally had a peaceful sleep.  

What happened next changed my life forever.  During that peaceful sleep God chose that moment to reveal Himself to me.  It was my moment of salvation. In my dream I was looking up into the sky. On the left the sky was filled with darkness, like a storm. There was a face in the darkness. Though I could not make out any details of the face I knew that it was the face of evil, Satan himself.  The space around him was filled with rolling clouds and wind that would sweep me up and take me away forever. I knew that if I got swept up in it I would die, not a physical death, the death of my very soul.  On the right side, the sky was filled with bright colors of red, orange, pink and white.  It was like a fiery sunset but also like a fire storm.  There was a face in the colors but again, I could not make out any details.  I knew that it was God.  I was so scared I couldn't speak or move.  They were facing each other, the two forces that would decide my fate.  I was terrified.  God’s voice spoke and said, “You cannot have her, she is mine.”  I was completely awestruck.  His voice was the loudest sound ever, it filled up the space, yet it was soft and did not hurt my ears.  He spoke with power and command.  What he said was a matter of fact, there would be no questioning it.  He had spoken.  He had spoken for me, the most unworthy person on the planet.  I woke up and began babbling to my mom about this dream.  I knew she was going to think I was hallucinating again. I kept telling her over and over, “I’m going to be alright. I am!”  Tears were streaming down her face and she hugged me and said,” I know, it’s over now.”  There are no words to accurately describe that dream.  I just know that I will never forget it. 

From that moment forward I never had any desire to use drugs again.  Most addicts struggle with it, but God completely freed me of it.  I cannot tell you enough how very blessed I am. 

Right after I got clean, I got pregnant with my oldest daughter.  About a year later I got baptized.  I did not get involved in church; I did not have a support group.  I struggled with feeling very unworthy of God’s love.  I was in a very abusive relationship.  I got pregnant with my second daughter.  One day when I was six and a half months pregnant with my second daughter, my daughter’s father beat me so badly that I was hospitalized.  That ended that relationship.  There was a long time where I just kind of existed.  Then I met my second husband.  He had only been out of prison for a couple of months.  Yes, I went there.  Found out he was an I.V. drug user.  I sent my daughters to live with their father so I could fix this guy. This was very dysfunctional thinking on my part.   Married him anyway, and got pregnant with twins.  Through the entire marriage he would go off and do drugs, I would go and drag him out of crack houses, and ultimately he went back to prison.  During that marriage I started going back church.  I was involved in prison ministry, Set Free Indeed Recovery Group and worked in the nursery. I finally left him after realizing I could not make him stop using and because my children and I were in considerable danger with drug dealers coming to our house with guns looking for him.   I couldn't make anyone do anything they didn't want to do.  I thought that if I went to church and got involved that God would fix my life.  It doesn't work like that.  You have to change your heart and submit to God’s will.  Not your own will.  I have gotten myself into trouble every time I tried to do it my way.

After moving back in with my parents and saying, “I do not want a man in my life.” I met my current husband.  He has truly been a Godsend.  Throughout our marriage we have faced some major obstacles.  My husband knew of the abuse I had suffered.  It left me distrustful, afraid of intimacy and living a life of constant chaos.  It was all I knew.  I had no idea what “normal” was.  

Our marriage was at the point of divorce when we decided to go to Christian marriage counseling.  When we started going I blamed everything that was wrong in our marriage on him.  I had been dysfunctional for so long I didn't realize how broken I was.  One day at counseling I revealed to our therapist that I had been sexually abused.  He said, “That information would have helpful in the beginning.” I went into intensive therapy to deal with my past.  I learned to trust God, He didn't do those things to me, people did.  I learned to forgive my abusers, forgiveness was not for them, it was for me.  I learned to let it go.  God does make beauty from ashes.

Between my husband and I we have seven children.  It is not for the faint of heart.  We have been through plenty with them and I know there is more to come.  We have committed ourselves to God, each other and our children.  

Matthew 19:26 “With God all things are possible.”

My poor husband has his hands full.  God also put it on my heart to start a recovery group at our church and that’s just what I did.  It’s a blessing to see those who are broken and hurting to be transformed by the love and grace of Jesus Christ.

I have found forgiveness in my heart of myself and those that hurt me so badly.  You can’t move in to the future without letting go of the past.  I never could have had that kind of healing without Jesus Christ.  To Him I am forever grateful.

Kim~

We have 7 amazing children.  We have our own business and I work from home.  I grew up in Baton Rouge, La. And recently moved to Jena, La.  I went from living in a subdivision to a sprawling farm in the country.  To say I experienced some culture shock when we moved to this tiny town is a gross understatement.  I know this is where God wants me to be.  It’s His plan, not mine.  When we moved to Jena, God put it on my heart to start a faith based recovery group.  I facilitate Transformed By Grace Recovery Group at Fellowship Baptist Church.

Genesis 50:20

²⁰ But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.