When my oldest son Jared, who will be 19 in a few weeks, was about 2 years old, I was outside late one night, after everyone was fast asleep. I was having my "quiet" time with the Lord. I was thinking and praying, and praying for my son. When I was only about 4 months pregnant with Jared, I had been prophesied to that my son, ( I didn't know it was a boy yet) would be a prophet to God's people. I was very happy about this at the time, and always remembered that word being spoken over my unborn child.
This particular night, as I was praying, I heard the Lord begin speaking to me. Not in my Spirit.....audibly, like He was standing right in front of me. That had never happened before. I had never heard more clearly than I was at this moment. The Lord began to tell me about my son. My precious gift from God who I cherished with every cell of my being. He started telling me how my son had been born with a purpose, His purpose. He said to me, " Your son is here for a reason, I put him here to do my work." A smile was beaming across my face as I listened intently. " He will do great things in my name, he will reach many people for me, my glory will shine through him". My excitement was barely contained.
"When he is grown I will send him to far off places where he will preach to multitudes of people. He will do a mighty work for me. Some will accept him.....others will not". My smile lessened just a bit.
"He will be loved by many in these places, but others will persecute him, ridicule him, mock him." My stomach is tightening and a feeling of foreboding and fear is taking the place of my previous barely contained excitement.
"You will not be able to be his "Momma" at this time for I have purposed him for this. You will have to turn away and let him do what I have called him to do. You cannot interfere." My stomach hurts, sweat is beginning to trickle down my face, my eyes starting to fill up with tears. As much as I want the Lord to use my son, this is my SON he is talking about. My little blond curly headed baby asleep in his bed. The reason I get up in the morning. The reason I breathe...
" He will go, he will preach, he will be loved, he will be persecuted, and he will die." WHAT?? Die????? At this point, I can no longer be silent, I am crying with great pain. WHY LORD? I understand the call, and the reason for the call, but he doesn't have to die to preach your Word!! I say this aloud.I don't understand Lord!
He asks, "How does that make you feel?" I sat there in stunned silence. "How does that make you feel?' He repeated. I answered, "Lord, I want him to do your will, not mine, but not to be persecuted and mocked and KILLED!! THAT'S MY SON!!!!!
The Lord answered," No daughter, that was MY SON. MY SON, who I sent to this world to do what I had purposed for him. He preached and taught about me, He healed my people, he feed multitudes. He was ridiculed, mock and crucified for MY purpose, for MY people, but that was MY son .I had to turn away from MY son, for the sins of this world to be forgiven. Now as his FATHER..... how do think I felt?"
My mouth is hanging open, I am crying with a pain in my heart I had never felt before. JESUS. Not Jared, JESUS. God's son. God, the FATHER'S son. I understood so clearly. Like a veil removed from my face, scales removed from my eyes, and a feeling in my heart that I still, to this day, 17 years later, cannot find words to explain. I understood. I understood. I understood.
He said to me, " Tell my people about MY son. He did not die in vain. He was resurrected, for you. My people. His people. Tell them." Tell them".
"I will Lord. I will."