Daddy doesn't love me~

                                          

As a little girl, I wanted to be loved by my daddy. I longed for his approval and his praise. I just wanted to be the "apple of his eye".  My dad did love me the best way he knew how, however he harbored alot of resentments towards me before I was even born.

 Why resentments??.......

I was a unplanned pregnancy back in 1969 for two high school sweethearts,that by all accounts had planned on getting married after graduation, however I was not apart of their plans at that time.  My mom, who was an honor roll student, graduated from high school 5 months pregnant with me.

I was the first of three children for my parents.

From an early age, I could feel his anger towards me, the irritation that I had somehow messed up his life plans. I wasn't suppose to be here in is eyes, not at that particular time in his life.

However, God knew it was my timing to grace the world with my birth~

There are no "unplanned" pregnancies with God. Every child born as a perfect timing in the eyes of God. We may not understand the timing, we in the flesh may judge the circumstances, situation, and the "how" the child came into the world, but Jesus does not.

Jeremiah 1:5...."Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you".......

God knew the timing of my birth had a purpose, even if my parents did not see it.
To understand, lets go back in time a bit, from where they stood.

It's 1969, unwed , still in high school and now they are going to be parents. Just the shear fear of it all had to be over whelming for them both. ( My dad was probably scared out of his shoes to have to tell my grandfather)

My parents had a turbulent marriage of ten years; there was no real peace in our house. There were some good times, but deep down my birth was still the cause of the direction my Dad's life took as a teenager and he truly was not happy.

I was a very strong willed child, independent, defiant and stubborn. I wanted his attention so badly that negative attention was better than no attention at all. It took me a long time to understand the love of my "daddy" God as I had not received the total nurturing of my earthly father in my younger years.

After my parents divorced, we rarely saw Dad.

I began to look for the love I was missing from my father. I was angry at the world; my thought process became, " If my own daddy doesn't love me then why would God love me? "

Rejection....Hard on the heart...harder for a little girl.

The enemy wants to keep us all in a place where we can not experience the true love of our "Daddy" God.


Jeremiah 29:11
" For I know the plans I have for you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future"

That's the love of a "DAD". God doesn't want us, his children, roaming around looking for love in all the wrong places. He has a plan for us all. His love is greater than any love of an earthly parent. He knew what I would go through as a child.

Rejection, pain, doubt, fear, heartache......Ouch!

Why?... That was the question I asked on a daily bases growing up.

My "daddy" God used what the enemy meant for evil and turned it to good for his glory. He showed me that there is nothing He can't fix; no heartache he can't heal, no storm he can not "still"

Through all my whys and my bad choices, the Lord used them to bring me to a place to see the true love of a father....The love of CHRIST himself.  NO matter how bad things got in my life He (Jesus) never left my side.

Deuteronomy 31:8
 "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. "

I once heard a statement that grabbed my heart and soul.  " When you are going through hard times, God is building your character"

God will use hard times, unfair times, hurtful times and disappointing times to build our character and our trust in him , Him alone!

To see God's love manifest fully in our lives, we must first come to see that He loves us. No matter our past choices, mistakes or sins....He loves us!! When Jesus walked on earth, he walked amongst the "sinners'.
He came to save the world, not condemn the world.


John 6:37
" All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away"

Jesus will NEVER turn you away, no  matter what we have done.

It took me a long time and alot of bad choices growing up to realize the love my earthly father showed to me was not the love of my "daddy" God.

I was not an unplanned pregnancy to God. He marveled in creating me in my mother's womb, he had a daddy's joy when I took my first step, he cried for me when I took wrong turns in life, he held every tear I cried for every disappointment, he placed me on his knee and listened to how my day went. He was there and still is for every mile stone in my life here in this earth.

My Dad and I have an adult relationship now. God has healed us both of many things in both our lives. My dad did the best he could at the time and we both have forgiven one another for past hurts.
And yes my Daddy does love me~

What the devil meant for evil......GOD turned to good!!


Much love~
Stacey